Pardon me while I rant

Geez, I'm so scared of settling down...I'm not even going to deny that.

Its so bad that I'm scared of getting into a relationship.. I mean I'm dating which is fun but I'm not sure I want any commitment.

I see myself been a single mom sometimes in the future. I know its a bad feeling or assumption but I just can't help it. That's how I feel.

After my break up which I'm not sure I've fully gotten over even though I live in denial... I just dnt want to get into anything else..its been more than a year and sometimes it feels like yesterday. Sometimes I ask myself why I cut it off.. But between the two of us, I had all the reason in the world to. I definitely deserved better... But I'm not going into that story. Too much drama. Definitely not caught up.

Its funny how those who live in denial know the truth but chose to live in a lie (I don't want to use the word pretense)

I remember the day my mom called my sis n I and said "Don't ever manage in any relationship because if you manage at an early age what would you do when you're married Also, never lead any man on"

We figured she was talking from experience.

Its been years, and up till now she says the only mistake she made in her life and regrets was marrying my dad. I mean that's pretty harsh but trust me its the truth.

Sometimes I get so mad and I ask God why? Why her, why us...I got no response and kinda figured it all on my own I think. Life is all a risk.

She said marriage is like a dark room and you don't know what's in it till you get in.

This is me ranting. I'm such a scorpio! I'm so secretive and it kills me. When I need to get sth off my mind.. I go take a warm shower and talk to myself till I feel better.

Also, what's the essence of telling people how you feel or what you're going through when there is really nothing they can do about it.  And I hate people pitying me so might as well keep it to myself.

I'm such a man atimes... My pride kills me.

This is the first summer I actually went out of my comfort zone... It was fun! I did so many things nifemi would never do. I guess that's the adventrous part of me.

I'm not from a broken home, but I'm no different. God, I'm so grateful for my mom, I couldn't have asked for a better mom but definitely wished I had a better dad.

Its kind of awkward/weird/strange to me when I see a beautiful relationship btw daughter/son n d father - geez why can't that be me.. But oh well.

Nifemi enough of this rubbish.

Growing up, I wasn't surrounded by people from broken homes but by people who were not happy in their marriages but would not get out of it because of their kids. I was quite a smart child so I knew the difference between happiness and pretense at an early age.

I get the fact that most mothers would rather stay in an unhappy marriage just for their kids to have a father figure..which kind of doesn't make sense to me. Because what about the child? They grow up with a different perspective about life, men and marriage.

It still amazes me how people date.. You know the whole process... The honey moon stage n the rest.. Proposing, marriage, and all of a sudden the monster in the man/woman comes out.
I'm done ranting...I just hard to pour out mind.

Keeping my fingers crossed... I hope i find someone who would force me to talk and I would feel comfortable sharing my stories and pouring out my heard to.. It's really going to be hard that's why my fingers are crossed.

"Don't judge my decisions without understanding my reasons."

BLIND DATE

Okay, today was super duper funny! I went on a BLIND DATE.

I doubt if I'll ever do this again.. But errm, I Love adventure so I'm not going to guarantee myself it won't happen again.

Not going to say how I met this dude, well we never met in person, all we did was send eachother emails then later exchanged numbers.. I mean it was fun texting a  stranger. He sent me his picture and I refused to send mine.. Because I dint want to.

Lil info, he was in the army, originally from Haiti but has been here all his life, and yada yada yada!

One day we were texting and a conversation about  "Five guys Burger" came upp. Never been there but I heard they have the best Burgers Ever!!

He decided to try it and said if it tasted so good, we would have our first date there. I agreed.

He went to five Guys, loved it and couldn't wait to take me there.. This was in June. He went to Haiti got back and we decided to meet at the Five Guys Burger on 43rd and 3rd ave, I agreed.

So, on that faithful day which was today, I was suPposed to run some errands for my mom so I could only spend about an hour and a half with him.

I got off the subway, he already texted me to tell me where he was waiting. When I got close to where he was , I acted like I was on the phone so he won't be suspicious or anyth. Remember he doesn't know what I look like.

I saw him and contemplated running away. I mean he wasn't so bad but definitely not my type. I mean I wasn't looking to see if I could date him or whatever, I just went for the fun of it.. But then.. He was so not my type.

I saw someone wit a very big nose :( (no offense that's the best description I can give) I passed him! Walked almost 2blocks away, then thought about it again.. Then I decided to go meet him.

 We exchanged greetings.. hi, side hugs and all that stuffs, then got into the restaurant. He ordered the food, we ate, spoke .. I mean it wasn't so bad afterall.. I mean I spent almost 2 hours w/ him, and left coz I had to run some errands for my mom.

It wasn't so bad, but I don't think or better still , I'm pretty sure we aint gna see each other after today.

I'm OFF to DC tomorrow, Its definitely going to be fun.

I mean its summer, and I'm single.. Just trying to some fun :)

Summer! Summer!

So, I haven't been up to anything new off late asides trying to have fun.. I mean its summer what else could be better.

So I have been going on different dates and I'm gna be blogging about them.. Definitely not going to go into much details.

Few weeks ago.. I thought this was funny so I'll share it and yes.

 I left my uncles, not sure I remember where I was going to .. I think I was about to catch the bus to my brothers' not too sure. Heaven knowz I was dead hungry that day. The only restaurant that was closest to me was Applebees.. And I was contemplating going there to eat, besides I wasn't w/ enough money, but I could still afford it.

I was walking towards applebees when someone called me.. I seriously though I was hearing double because I was too hungry.. But to my surprise, it was a friend.. This dude tht was trying to talk to me last summer.

Anyways, we got into applebees, we spent almost 3hrs there, caught up on old stuffs, gisted, then he dropped me home... I mean it was fun :)

I mean I thought it was funny in a weird way:)