My Perspective on Marriage

Marriage is supposed to be sacred. Its a religious act and if you can't abide by the rules that govern it, don't get into it.

The problem with today's society is that most people do things because the society says its right and not because we in person think its right. In other words, we literally live our lives the way society says/wants.

I'm going to use marriage as an example and use Nigeria to back my points. I guess its cause I'm Nigerian. ..and I partially don't believe in marriage. I'll explain why  so you don't judge me. I mean I don't even give a "Fish" if you do. Its just my perspective.

In Nigeria, an ideal responsible man is one who has a good job, wife and kid(s) while a responsible woman is one who has a husband and kid(s)

What about the bachelor or bachelorette who is in his/her late 30's or 40's? They are partially accepted in the society but referred to as incomplete just because they haven't said the "I DO" to anyone. Am I Right or Wrong?

I would use our parents as examples because we're in the 21st century and the way things worked back then is totally different from how things work now.

PS: it doesn't have to be my story.
Most of our parents were/are unhappy about how their marriages turned out. I mean we're not kids anymore.. We can definitely tell the difference between happiness and pretense just to please the kids.

A typical Nigerian or maybe African mom (well I can't speak for other countries in Africa so I'll stick to Nigeria) As I was saying, A typical Nigerian mom would stay in a marriage that is like hell just for her kids.. I mean I don't get that... Even when its glaring that she's unhappy she still stays in the marriage hoping God would intervain in the husband or rather just for the kids to have a father figure... I mean I understand the whole father figure gist and all.. But what if the father doesn't give a "Fish" about the kids? Why still hang in there? I don't get it...
 I remember one time.. Many years ago, I asked mom why she dint get a divorce and she said her dad told her not to. Keep in mind mom is very educated. She studied accounting in Boston and moved back to Nigeria to get married. She's a beautiful, well educated smart lady that know's her right. Never seen a human as patient as she is my whole life.

As I was saying, she said her dad told her not to get a Divorce after 5 kids. He kept telling her to hang in there, Which she did. All my life, I have never seen this woman happy or loved. The only humans that make her smile, happy and thankful for life are her kids. She keeps apologizing saying "I'm sorry you all don't know what it means for a father to love you. I was the apple of my father's eyes.. It was a beautiful feeling, I'm sorry." Of cause that hurts but what would you do if the only option you had was accepting your faith.

Dad never sat with us like a father did. He never took us out...I have nothing to show that my dad got me. All I remember was him waking up in the morning and yelling at us all. I mean that was a typical day for us. I always made his tea in the morning so they all thought I was his favorite! Haha, I so wish. We all new none of us were his favorite. We got super excited when he left for work in the morning because we got peace of mind when he leaves the house. He won't return till past 12am sometimes 2am. That was normal for us. In other words the only times we spent with him was in the morning.. Which all he does is yells and at night when he comes home.. When we are all asleep. During the weekends, we get the usually treatment but its usually longer because he leaves home at noon. It was horrible I won't deny that, but we got used to it after all the years.

One day we all asked mom if he was really our dad because we still dint understand how a father treats his children the way we were treated. And she responded saying "what kind of dumb question is that" we all look like him which is enough proof that he is father but it felt like there was something we dint know. I guess there was really nothing. All I know was if he did love us, which I doubt, that was the wrongest of all wrong ways to show it.

Mom was/is dad and mom at the same time. She did everything and all the things a parent would do. I am where I am because of her.

The days she cries because of him was hell for us. We all cried with her. A very painful experience you don't want to experience.
 We even told her to get a divorce and she said what about us. What do you mean what about us? You're not happy here neither are we so why are you putting us in this mystery? She said nothing. All she said was "I hope all of you especially my daughters won't make the same mistake I made"

I asked, were you two ever in love? She responded "marriage is like a dark room, you don't know what's in it till you get in" that made all the sense in the world.

In other words, "pretense" is the key. The probability of a man/woman pretending in a relationship is very high.


Funny how " Women Marry Men hoping they would change and Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed."


I'm going to stop here because I can definitely write a book on this topic based on my perspective.. And don't get me wrong, I'm not saying all marriages end up this way, like i said it's just my perspective and the way i see it.


I just keep hoping for the best for myself.. and remembering " the secret to a successful marriage remains a secret"